Love Is Secret
by CadetCasanova
Summary: Plot: Jane experiences a recent run in with Hoyt and camps over at Maura's house. Maura has the job of being Jane's caretaker while the detective is mentally repairing herself. Struggling to wrap her mind around her new found feelings for her friend, Maura keeps it a secret. But, what happens when innocent care-taking becomes secret loving? Fluff. Rated T. RIZZLES.
1. Ch 1: Jane Is Fine

**Chapter 1: Jane Is Fine**

I can give every detail of what happened on that day. Where I was, what had happened, what time it was or even the color of my undergarments… Just about anything, I can recall it in complete accuracy. Only being so because it had happened to my best, and my only best friend. The heroic Jane Rizzoli had fallen to a reoccurring villain, so they announced. This by all means was completely inaccurate. It was almost absurd.

Jane had not fallen at all. The element of surprise was not in her favor. It was, in fact, in his however. Charles Hoyt, the villain in the news cast story. A villain he was. Perhaps the most maniacal, vile, and mentally ill man I have ever met. I had interrogated him before he broke out of his containment. I was next to Jane when we were all in the same room and I could sense that she was worried. Not her herself, but for me.

Though to say he and I had past experiences in common, we were yet so different. Many times I wished I could pick at his brain, literally. I want to know why he thinks the way he does. I want to know what makes this man crave for killing other human beings. How his brain, which has an utterly genius IQ, could want to work for evil instead of using itself for better good.

_I want to know why he continuously proceeds to torture Jane._

Though I will never have an answer, I can only hope that one day someone would end his terrorizing acts.

My mental thoughts drifted me away and I didn't notice Jane waking up. I didn't notice her staring at me, for in fact, I was staring at the gray tile of the hospital floor. I was gazing down seemingly idle from my own body. It was not until my eyes burned from lack of hydration that I blinked back to reality. Painfully a tear formed in my eye. I almost cursed my body for this reaction and fanned air into my face using my hand.

I heard Jane and it caused my head to jerk up, once again, painfully. There was a loud crack and I winced, but smiled at the now laughing Jane.

"Slow down there, Dr. Isles, or you're gonna end up in the bed next to me," she said with a grin.

"I will not," I scolded her. "How are you feeling?"

She didn't respond.

"I'm sorry, Jane." I stood up and met her neck for the first time since the incident.

Her face fell flat, "How's it look?"

"Well, it-…" It looked gross. There was already a scab forming on the skin which was due to the body healing itself. I was afraid to tell her that it was going to leave another scar, matching the one across from it.

"Oh c'mon, just tell me. It's gross isn't it?"

"Yes, Jane. It's gross." I pointed out honestly, resisting the temptation to poke at it.

"You wanna touch it don't you?" She laughed loudly, grabbing at my hand that was curled up on the hand rail of the bed she sat on. _How does she know me so well?_

"I- I do not! I jus-"

"Hives, Maura." She raised a dark eyebrow towards my babbling.

Truth was I could not lie. Yes, I do get hives and sometimes if it is an extreme lie I will faint. I am proud that I cannot lie, but many times it frustrates me because a lie is an easier way out than the truth. I breathed in and let out a long sigh.

"Yes, Jane. Yes I want to touch it. I'm sorry."

"Only if you wash your hands first."

Caught off guard from said comment, I excitedly hopped to the sink behind me. _She's actually going to let me examine it closely. This is a big step for her, I think. I'm actually not that sure... What if she lets others touch it? Hmm. I might as well embrace this while I can._

"Maura!"

I spun around, shocked. I looked at her with wide eyes. She pointed to the sink. I had once again been distracted and left the water running_. I should really stop this nonsense in these types of situations._

"Oh, right. Sorry, sorry!"

Once my hands were washed I focused my attention back to Jane. She sat there with her eyes closed, seeming to be dreading this moment. Dreading to let someone touch what would be her new scar, for the first time. Perhaps the only time. _No, I should not jump on any conclusions. She could just be relaxing._

A lock of her curly dark brown hair hung down in front of her face. Her nose twitched and I watched as she blew air from her mouth upwards to try and blow it away. Clearly, she was frustrated. I giggled slightly and walked over to her, slowly removing the hair to frame her face. Her eyelids opened and two deep brown eyes greeted me with a smile. Though it is not at all possible for eyes to smile, Jane had me thinking otherwise. I looked back at her.

"May I?"

She nodded her head once, sighed, and closed her eyes. At this time, I peered over her neck; a smell not so foreign to me filled my nose. It was a delightful lavender smell that was pure Jane_. Has she always smelled this amazing? Why am I being so easily distracted today? Is it because of Jane? My heart rate is, I'm sure, much faster than it was before I was this close to her_. My mind was working overtime on these questions. I began to diagnose my symptoms. These feelings were all so sudden, these thoughts were also sudden. I was very confused.

I looked in the mirror behind me for a brief moment. It was true. My pupils were larger. The room felt hotter. Scientifically, I came to the conclusion, that I was in fact having a chemical reaction to Jane. I was experiencing arousal; arousal by my best friend. An arousal that I had to fight against for it was seemingly wrong to have these thoughts or reactions. Sadly, it was my body's own doing and I had no say in this matter. I turned around and brought my attention back to Jane.

I tried to focus on the scab. The wound had been healing as it should with no infection. It was still in its first stage of forming and was very sticky and wet. _Please, Maura, contain your thoughts._ Jane hadn't moved an inch since I began inspecting it.

I didn't want to touch it for I knew that it was still sensitive. I found myself no longer looking at it, but just appreciating the closeness I had with Jane. At this point my thoughts were out of control and I knew that from now on I would have a different relationship with my friend. Even though it hurts to know that she is not having the same reacti-

"Maura!"

"Huh!?" I lifted my face upwards, hitting my nose against Jane's chin. It stung immensely. I stumbled back a couple of steps and covered my nose. Tears filled my eyes, a normal reaction to pain. I put my face down to cover the fact that I was hurting. "Ouch." I mumbled to myself. _That was stupid of you._

"Oh my God, Maura!" Jane hopped off the bed and rushed over to me. Her warm hands quickly found my face. I looked down. I didn't want her to see me cry. I know how much she dislikes it when I cry. But that didn't stop her. She pulled my face near hers and looked at me sincerely. My eyes flooded with more tears as my hands still covered my nose. She got closer to look under my fingers for any sign of blood.

My breath quickened. My pupils were surely to have gotten larger. Flushed skin. Tingling in my core. The sudden urge to-… _No. Please, no._

"I-… I'm fine, Jane." I was fine. I was in pain, but I was fine. I was going to be fine.

"You are not fine, Maura! Come here."

Quickly Jane pulled me over to the sink with her strong lengthy arms and pulled my hands away from her face. Clearly I had no choice to reject her help. She gasped. I could smell the blood. It was thick from what I could feel. My palms were covered in it.

"Oh shoot, I'm sorry, Jane."

"Why the hell are you apologizing? I'm the one who disturbed you from whatever the heck you were thinking about. Yuck, this is gross. Here."

Gently she brought a wet paper towel to my nose and dabbed the blood. She took hold of my face with her right hand, and held the bloody recycled brown paper in the left. She didn't say a word and neither did I. Nothing was really left to be said. I watched her intensely. Her face was very chiseled. Her cheekbones were prominent, and extremely attractive. Jane was absolutely what they would call 'tall, dark, and handsome' except she was beautiful. I smiled at her.

"Why are you smiling? You got a bloody nose." Jane smirked playfully.

"Because..." I couldn't say it. Especially not here, especially when I'm not even sure.

"Because why?"

_Because you're gorgeous, and you're caring for me; it's so sweet. Because I believe that I am starting to develop romantic feelings for you and it's-…_ I stopped thinking. I had just confessed to myself that I was sprouting romantic feelings for Jane.

"Because usually I'm the one that is tending your wounds." It was not the full truth to the question, but not a lie either. This prevents me from developing hives and or fainting. Simply diverging around the question.

"I guess." Jane chuckled lightly and threw the paper towel away. "C'mon. Let's go."

"But, Jane, you're not-"

"Yes I am. While you were staring at the floor lost in space I got my papers. I wanna leave."

"Jane, it's impossible for me to be lost in space since I am clearly not an astronaut."

She groaned, "Uhg. Let's go!" She started walking and paused in the door way. "Oh, I have a favor to ask of you, if it's alright?"

"Sure. Ask away." I politely replied.

"Can I stay at your place? I mean not like forever. But, just for now. I'm a little scared and-"

"And I know how you can get nightmares."

"Exactly." She looked down at her hands.

The scalpel scars were evident from her first encounter with Hoyt. She came to my house after she was released from the hospital and stayed the night. That was our first sleepover together. She had terrible nightmares and often woke up yelling or sweating. I vowed that if anything should ever go wrong that she would have a place at my house. Anything.

This was a time for me to uphold my vow, but this time it would also be very different. For this time, I will have no indication for how my body would react when she is next to me.

"Oh my God, Maura. Seriously? Let's go!" Jane waved me over and I followed.

The tall detective was clearly in a hurry to get home. She beat me to my car, fiddling with her fingers impatiently. Jane is always impatient with everything: Coffee, lines, people, and even herself. If she couldn't do something she wanted to do in the matter of time she wanted to do it in, then there would be a massive problem. She's a very conflicted woman.

She complained the whole way home through an hour of Boston traffic.

"Hell yes! Home sweet home! Well, I mean, Maura's house sweet Maura's house!"

I blushed and laughed a little, "You can call it home, too, Jane."

"Cool, let's get inside I'm cold."

"Agreed."

I followed behind her. She held the door open for me, like she usually does.

"Thank you." I said and walked inside. The house enveloped me with warmth. It was not nearly as pleasant as Jane's arms would be but I suppose it would suffice for the time being. Not like there would be a time for Jane to hold me. I heard a thump and flinched. I should really stop ignoring my surroundings. I found Jane sprawled out on the couch looking at me.

"Hi." She said bluntly. She sat up and patted the seat next to her. I took a deep breath and walked over to the couch. She ran a hand through her hair as I took a seat. She sighed heavily and leaned back to fully relax. I took the opportunity to look her over when her eyes closed. She is definitely beautiful. Her lips are soft, pale pink and they make me want to-... _Thoughts, Mara, thoughts._ I scolded myself as I looked down.

A hand landed on my shoulder. Jane was looking at me. I could feel the symptoms I felt earlier returning.


	2. Ch 2: Rock-a-bye Janie

_A/N: Thank you so much for the Reviews and follows/favorites. . Enjoy this chapter! I have taken time to write 11 more chapters, sorry for delay but I promise it was worth it!_

**Chapter 2: Rock-a-bye Janie**

Sleep didn't come easy for her. Seemingly hours on end, I sat up to comfort her while she was still in a nightmare state. Jane only repeated one word; one word that was said every night, all night. Her voice was hoarse, "No! No! No!", I could tell that she had been screaming for a while now. For the 13th time that night, I haggled out of sleep. The atmosphere was thick with humid heat which was radiating from Jane.

I searched the expression in darkness and recognized a familiar face of pain. She was hurting. I pulled her into my arms. She was trembling, mumbling, and sobbing all at once. My heart ached because there was nothing more I could do for her. "No…No…" She mumbled. I stroked her hair softly, careful not to tangle my fingers in any knots.

She was sweating profoundly, I felt terrible for her. I wanted nothing more than to take it all away from her, to take Hoyt away from her. To take away the everlasting mental strain he inflicted on her. I want to protect her always. _Please let me be there for you, always. Please let me show you what it's like to have loving arms wrap around you, always. Please let me in, forever. _I thought to myself while rocking back and forth. I felt her stir below me.

"Maura?" She rubbed her face with both palms.

I smiled, "Yes, Jane?"

"You gonna let me go?" She looked up at me.

I had completely forgotten that I was still rocking, still holding her even though she was conscious. I released her from my hold and she scooted away from me. I was hurt, but didn't dare show it. I felt colder without her near me. She was incredibly warm.

"Sorry," I said, embarrassed.

Jane stood up, "It's fine. I'm gonna get a beer."

"Jane, a beer in the morning isn't healthy. Why not substitute it with a glass of water or milk?"

"Maura, I am _going_ to get _a beer_," She replied sternly.

I sat there in bed, shaking my head at her when she walked away. I don't like her habit of drinking in the mornings. I suppose I should let her since she had a rough night, perhaps it will help her to take a nap this afternoon. I assigned myself as her caretaker so I am not on call as of now. Dr. Pike is filling in for me. I can only hope that he doesn't rearrange my utensils too much.

I heard the fridge open and Jane let out a long "Uuuhhhggggg…" At that point I knew that she wasn't happy. I gave a small huff and went to join her in the kitchen. She was looking around for the bottle opener, opening every drawer in sight. She was obviously annoyed.

"Jane! Calm down." I made a rush over to her side to ease her frustrations.

"I can't find the fucking bottle opener!" Her tone was harsh.

"Jane, relax. It's right here."

Swiftly I opened a drawer and pulled out the black bottle opener. Jane hastily took it from me and popped the lid off her beer. She drank half the bottle in less than a minute. I couldn't stand to watch it anymore; I had to take it away. I lunged for the glass bottle, successfully, and threw it in the trash. Jane was furious and went to the living room. I exhaled. This was going to be a very, very hard week.

Jane flicked on the television and turned the volume up higher than needed. I believe she did this so she could ignore me. I wasn't going to play this game with her. She was acting rude and childish. Though something about this aggressive behavior made me fall for her even more. I have seen all sides of Jane, the good, the bad, the beautiful and the ugly. I have seen her lounging in boy-shorts and a tank top, and I have seen her with her hair up while wearing a dress. I have seen her in the best of moods; now I have witnessed her in the worst of them. Yet, I still longed to be with her. I decided to keep a safe distance while being in the same room.

I could never let her know how I feel. I know Jane is attracted to men, clearly. She is still in love with her unofficial ex-boyfriend, Casey Jones. There was clear chemistry between the two of them. He was her reason for waking up every morning, despite how much I wish it was me. I wish it was me who could make her smile like that, who could make her feel like that. _I wish it was me that…_

"Maura, come here." Jane broke through my secret wall of thoughts.

I shook my head and looked at her. She wiggled her right pointer finger, signalling me. I did as I was told and looked at her, confused. She was still taking up the small sofa and I had nowhere to sit. Perhaps she didn't want me to sit, and only wanted to talk to me. I stood awkwardly in front of her. She gently took hold of both my hands and looked at me sincerely.

"I'm sorry." Her eyes were moist. "I just-... I don't know how to cope with this all over again."

"Jane, it's all right. Really." I reassured her, "I'm here."

She pulled me onto her lap. My breath hitched. I was only a mere 5 inches away from Jane's face… from her lips. My face instantly flushed when she was looking into my eyes, my soul. Her lips were trembling, her walls were crumbling, and my back hurt. She was hugging me, too tightly. Even though it sent a sharp pain through my body, it was quickly accompanied by a sense of comfort and happiness. I threw my arms around her neck, having to straddle her in order to achieve a full hug.

I felt wetness on my neck. She was silently crying. I didn't dare say anything or react because Jane never cries in front of anyone. She is supposed to be the strong one. I let her cry. It pained me. I could feel her emotions ripple through her. No medication or therapy could ever fix this.

But the hug was over and she looked at me. Water was still in her eyes as she let the last tear fall. She allowed me to see it. She allowed me to see her at her weakest. I couldn't help myself from crying with her, my glands just happen to react that way. We held a gaze.

"Oh, Jane…" I groaned painfully, sadly, almost moping. Without hesitation, I put my forehead against hers; leaving me now two inches from her lips. "I'm so sorry this is happening, Jane." I was sorry. Perhaps I am too close. The arousal is making its way back to me due to this new-found closeness. _Maura, control. Jane is in despair right now and you need to comfort her. You are her friend._

Jane wiped her eyes, "It's fine." She leaned her head back slowly, my two inch gap refusing to grow apart, and closed her eyes. A sigh left her lips and onto mine. Another wave of want hit me. Her breath was warm, and I wished I could have more of it. Mindlessly I inched closer, now only a pinky distance separates us. Our breath mixed, I was breathing heavily. _Oh, God. You need to get up right now before you do something completely idiotic._

I sat up normally, smiled at her, and proceeded to stand. She opened her eyes. If I wasn't falling for her, I could have sworn she looked almost disappointed. Perhaps it was my own feelings making me perceive things differently. No matter. I walked to the kitchen and turned midway there to notice that Jane was uncomfortably lying down in the small chair sized 'sofa'. Her head was on the left arm, her torso managed to maneuver to fit the cushion, and her long legs dangled off the other arm of the chair. She fell asleep almost instantly.

_She's perfect_, I thought to myself as I finished my walk to the kitchen and fetched a bottle of wine.


End file.
